I apologise for my conceit.

I just sent an email out, appealing for a waiver of 'W' grade for dropping LAJ2203, Japanese Language.





Yes, I'm giving up jap.
and Yes, I know, What a pity.

Went for my first tutorial yesterday, and I couldn't wait for it to end. Perhaps it was because the tut was from 6pm to 8pm, and I didn't see familiar faces in the room. Got Suzuki-sensei as my tutor the very first time after three semesters. She's really good, I must say.

I thought I would even want to go for another jap tutorial later before I make up my mind. But I couldn't stand the thought of it.

Perseverence, determination, resolution, pertinacity, earnestness... slowly vanishes......
Passion... however, I hope it will continue to stay on...


nihongo wa dandan muzukashi youni natte, zannen desu.

At least I've learnt a new sentence structure.

I still have my textbooks. Perhaps I could do some self-study.

I do not want to dislike learning japanese language. I do not want the appalling workload to stop me from loving to learn japanese language. I do not want it to end this way...

It's so depressing. It's like, being separated from your lover. My heart aches so so so much. I do not want to regret :_(


Kar doesn't understand.
Do you???

I suck.

Went shopping with kar and shaun today. I bought something which wasn't even on my shopping list at all. I've no idea why I did that. It just looked so pretty when kar showed it to me. It looked even prettier when I tried it on. I fell in love with it at first sight, uncontrollably, and nothing could stop me. I couldn't reserve it, as it was the very last pair. I didn't have a lot of time to consider either. I know I'd feel happy if I could possess it. Kar told me to buy it. Shaun told me to buy it. I bought it. Someone please shoot me...

My Nike dunk low.

*I forgot to mention, Kar subsidised fifty bucks. opps. and this was actually the design he wanted...

I went into a daze after making my purchase.
What have I done???
This ain't even for cny.

Am I happy now??
Yes. When I look at it.
But, that means, I'm not gonna buy the pair of URS heels...

I suck.
Why did I do that???


About less than three weeks ago, I went to get a hair cut. sighh.. And right now, I need another hair cut. My volumnious hair is giving me a big headache. I should have cut it short short short, the way I always do. Why did I even bother to try to keep it long???? (yes, I got sick of trying to style my hair that I just want to tie it into a ponytail, and tuck it away from my face!) But, I guess I prefer short hair afterall. damn. It's really messy now, with the ends curling haywire everywhere =(



I suck. period.

doh~!

(in the Chloeeee's wayyyy...)

I'm so fucking stupid!!!

I just realised I don't have to take six modules next sem, and the sem after next.

Because, Breadth (outside student’s Faculty) modules read can also be used to satisfy the minor requirements if they are within the basket of modules offered by the minor.

voila~

My extra minor modules can be used to fulfil Breadth modules requirements!!

I'm so happy, I don't care if my timetable is screwed up this sem anymore. Morning 10am to evening 8pm? Who cares? Come next sem, I'm back to being a true blue Arts student in school, with no extra modules or tutorials, and only three days a week. And, I'll be sooooooooo slack, because I don't think I'm gonna continue with Jap language next sem. hmmmm.. maybe I'll attend the lectures. (FYI, a language module is equivalent to TWO regular modules.) Perhaps I could even squeeze all my lectures and tutorials together, and plan only a TWO-day week!! wheeeeeeeeeeee~

A blessing in Disguise???

I'm so sad :(

As you know, I gotta take six modules this sem, next sem, and the sem after next too. AND if I happen to screw up any of my modules this sem, I might need to take SEVEN modules next sem. So, that means, I have to work ultra hard. I'm not sure if the stress level will spur me to work harder, or crush me and drive me nuts. I certainly hope it's the former.

On a lighter note, hey! I learn more stuff although I pay the same amount of school fees!

I've been going to most of my lectures alone since the very first sem. Sometimes I do spot a friend around. But most of the time, no. So, I sit alone. It suddenly occurred to me yesterday that till now, I haven't made any friends who are single majoring in economics, and in year two. You people out there, attending lectures and tutorials with your friends, are so lucky! sigh... I'm just a green-eye loner in school.

I'm also sad, 'coz of all the unfortunate things that happened to me these two days, which I'm in a too depressed state to talk about them now. Tutorial balloting sucks too. =(

Went for Body Combat just now.
I was thinking, if I do get attacked outside, will I be able to put those moves in use???
Then, I realise, it's really important for a girl to learn some self defense moves. Men out there nowadays, are ridiculous. Can't they just keep their hands and eyes to themselves?? Damn those fucking disgusting men!

I'm reading some stuff which I'm not sure if they are meant for my eyes. From then till now. I always suck at descriptive essays. The best I can say, is that I'm feeling really emotional right now. Sad, regretful and uncomfortable. I do care! I wish I can tell you personally that I do care! Strangely, I've always thought I'm the only one who would get laughed at for my silly thoughts. I feel stupid, useless, because I know I can never understand how you feel, and there's nothing I know I can do to help. You make me want to cry. I wish I know of a way to let you know how much I miss you and love you.

Maybe sometimes (all right, most of the time) I appear to be really heartless, self-centered, and taking things for granted. I'm just sick of how ungrateful pigs treat me after I've put in so much. Why should I be kind to people who do not appreciate? I love myself and I refuse to let such ingrates hurt me. So, I chose to be self-centered. I'm sorry. But that's life, no? Some people believe in going all the way out and help those in need, some people help selectively, and some people don't at all. Some people can't live without the finest material goods in the world, some people make do with it, and some people give up everything and solely believe in faith and sharing. I've no idea what I'm talking about, actually. It's always easier said than done. I hate that. I'm always procrastinating. I want to be a better person. I want to do the right things. I wish I can curb my ridiculous spending habits and believe that material well-being ain't the greatest thing in life. But the thrill of getting something I like, the feel of looking good, and the thought of owning the best stuff around are so overwhelming that I just can't be stopped. I forgot since when I got so obsessed with these... So what if I own a million beautiful things in the world? What do I get at the end of the day?

I know I've got so much to do, so much to change. Once again, It's easier said than done. But no harm letting me do this slowly right?

*Please do not say anything regarding this entry to me.



School starts tmr. 2-6pm. Holidays just past in a wink, and I haven't done anything constructive, sad to say. I don't feel like going home after that. I feel like drinking. I feel like doing something. Definitely not shopping.

I woke up early this morning. Attempted to clear my table (though it still remains messy), solved half of another Sudoku puzzle, and opened my wardrobe to check out my newly acquired garments. =) Started mixing and matching the tops and bottoms, admiring myself in the mirror... Then i saw my little fluffy skirts. I thought to myself, these are skirts which i can't see myself wearing in the years to come. Definitely at the age of thirty, or even twenty five, I would look like I'm trying to act cute wearing them? It's now, or never. You get what I mean?

When I was twelve, I wanted so much to get a pair of rollerblades. (Shann, rem our little rollerblade craze at that time??) Succumbed to the meagre allowance I had back then, my hopes of becoming a rollerblade pro were dashed (geez. i love to exaggerate) when my mum decided not to get me a pair. She thought it was dangerous(!!). She certainly regrets that now. It was definitely much easier to master it when i was younger. Now, I'm afraid to break my bones and scar my knees.

I remember when I was thirteen, I love wearing platforms and wedges. hmmm... I think my sweaty feet weren't as bad in the past? I sure am glad I did that last time, coz I wouldn't want to slip and fall and die in them now.

When I was fourteen, I yearned so much for a pair of boots, which, again, my meagre allowance didn't allow me to afford it. My mum said I was way too young to be wearing boots (Conservative minds. sucks.), but mind you, I'm pretty much the same as before now. Except i was thinner, perhaps. It was undoubtedly different to be wearing kickass boots at fourteen years old. Because i had no boots, i could only stick to wearing high baggy jappy socks, which are totally different from boots! Pathetic! Yet now that I have a little more moolahs to squander, I only got myself more clothes and bags!! Even Chloeeee has two pair of boots already! ~envy envy envy~ lol... I'll make sure I'll get a pair for myself, before i go to Japan (and I'll make sure I go to Japan again)!

'nuff said. I'm going off to do things which I won't be doing tmr.

muahahaha!

I just received a phone call.


Caller: Hello, may I speak to May (that's my mother's name)?

Me: Oh, she's not at home. Who's this looking for her?

Caller: I'm calling from xxx. May i know what's your relationship to her?

Me: I'm her daughter.

Caller: Ohhh.. then, can i speak to your mother??

Me: (?!?!?!) She's not in...

Caller: Oh, she's not in too? okay, thanks. bye.

Me: bye.


omg. what the hell was she thinking?!?!

it's 2006!

...and i'm broke already... =(
There's so many birthdays coming up, plus belated birthday presents which i've yet to buy (chloe's and karwai's). Not to mention my own desires. Oh no... only the start of a new year, new month, and i already have many problems. What a great way to start off, uh. Worse still, school starts next week, and i still haven't had my timetable settled. DAMN. i needa take SIX modules next sem (and the next next sem too =( coz i'm forever so screwed up), and i'm not giving up on my jap still. well, Seems like poor me will have to go to school EVERYDAY next sem... unless i cheat again. I REFUSE TO GO TO SCHOOL ON A FRIDAY! Hope there will be webcasts, though not like i will watch anyway. opps. Sigh.. no more bumming around!

I'm listening to Flora Chan's song from Triumph in the Skies right now. Thank you chloeeee for sending it to me. But... i need you to translate it to me yea. I could feel her emotions in the song. Love her voice too. Wish i could sing along, but, i don't know cantonese!!! =\ oh no, craving for some KTV now...

Spent the last day of 2005 with karwai. Dinner @ Billybombers (a pity they only serve set meals that day), movie @ PS (the family Stone! ain't that bad actually...), and fireworks!! =) Reminded me of two events. One, on the new year eve two years ago... also movies first, then fireworks. I remembered shann was so emotional when we saw the fireworks that she cried (right?). The second one was with janice, at the esplanade's opening ceremony. We were just right under it, and i must say that was the most beautiful fireworks i've seen. Totally awesome! The whole sky was lit up. To think i actually wanted to leave initially coz it was damn crowded, thanks to janice's persistance that we stayed. Well, the one i watched with kar... We were actually at Marina Bay to avoid the crowd @ the esplanade, so the view wasn't that great. Though not the best, it still felt so warm inside to be watching it with him, my favourite bear! opps, but I had to apologise to kar for being such a spoilt brat and for kicking up a big fuss that day. SORRY!

sucks. my imageshack's down. can't load any pics up.
i'll stop trying!
later~