I'm reading some stuff which I'm not sure if they are meant for my eyes. From then till now. I always suck at descriptive essays. The best I can say, is that I'm feeling really emotional right now. Sad, regretful and uncomfortable. I do care! I wish I can tell you personally that I do care! Strangely, I've always thought I'm the only one who would get laughed at for my silly thoughts. I feel stupid, useless, because I know I can never understand how you feel, and there's nothing I know I can do to help. You make me want to cry. I wish I know of a way to let you know how much I miss you and love you.

Maybe sometimes (all right, most of the time) I appear to be really heartless, self-centered, and taking things for granted. I'm just sick of how ungrateful pigs treat me after I've put in so much. Why should I be kind to people who do not appreciate? I love myself and I refuse to let such ingrates hurt me. So, I chose to be self-centered. I'm sorry. But that's life, no? Some people believe in going all the way out and help those in need, some people help selectively, and some people don't at all. Some people can't live without the finest material goods in the world, some people make do with it, and some people give up everything and solely believe in faith and sharing. I've no idea what I'm talking about, actually. It's always easier said than done. I hate that. I'm always procrastinating. I want to be a better person. I want to do the right things. I wish I can curb my ridiculous spending habits and believe that material well-being ain't the greatest thing in life. But the thrill of getting something I like, the feel of looking good, and the thought of owning the best stuff around are so overwhelming that I just can't be stopped. I forgot since when I got so obsessed with these... So what if I own a million beautiful things in the world? What do I get at the end of the day?

I know I've got so much to do, so much to change. Once again, It's easier said than done. But no harm letting me do this slowly right?

*Please do not say anything regarding this entry to me.



School starts tmr. 2-6pm. Holidays just past in a wink, and I haven't done anything constructive, sad to say. I don't feel like going home after that. I feel like drinking. I feel like doing something. Definitely not shopping.